Probably fifty percent or more of my readings involve women who are trying to understand their relationship history, karma, and difficulties. There are many ways to look at this in the work I do, including digging into the various points in the astrological chart that speak to relationship.
Many of the clients I see are women over the age of 40 who have never felt really seen or validated in their romantic relationships. Likewise, they have trouble identifying what they want and what makes them happy. When this is the case, I look at Venus in the natal chart, because Venus is the signifier of validation, our love language, and how we find comfort and harmony.
Venus Tells Us About How We Feel Valued & Validated
Now ultimately, feeling valued and validated is an inside job. This is something we must learn to do on our own. However, helping a partner feel seen and valued is a vital aspect of successful relationship. When we understand the role Venus plays in our own chart, we can become more aware of what we need—from ourselves and our partners—to feel acknowledged and loved.
Let’s take an example. Let’s say that you have Venus in Scorpio in the Third house. This means that you will be very expressive—physically and emotionally, with a need for lots of deep communication, sexual activity, and intimate sharing of everything from fantasies to secrets to favorite books to read. With Venus in this position, you’ll need a partner that is very attracted to you and able to express that, can hold space for verbal processing and actually value that in you. Someone who is going to be able to acknowledge your ability to go deep and communicate with so much drive. Your feminine expression will be intense, verbal, and may veer toward the mystical or psychological, and to feel really acknowledged, your partner will need to accept, and better yet, love this about you.
Scorpio as a sign is fundamentally about understanding power: power with, power over; being overpowered or self empowered. Any and all aspects of how will and the dynamics between people get shared. Scorpio will want to understand these dynamics, and in the third house, communicate about it. Often women with Venus in Scorpio find that they feel “too much” for the men in their lives, or they get into situations where they are in power struggles or games: sexually, emotionally, or intellectually.
When you have Venus in Scorpio, you need to partner with others who can handle and understand Scorpio energy. Though it’s difficult to generalize with just one planet, rather than taking in the whole chart, I can say that it will be easier to work with your Venus if your partner has personal planets in Scorpio or the Eighth house, or a strong Pluto influence.
Be aware that because of the powerful expression Venus in Scorpio makes (unless Venus is retrograde natally), you may attract in relationships that will teach you about power. And you may find that you are constantly attracting others who have their own issues with power that end up getting played out in the relationship. This doesn’t have to be good or bad, and if you are in touch with your own Venus in Scorpio, then you will be able to be more discerning and identify your own deep-seated issues around Scorpio themes.
Venus As a Signifier for Your Love Language
You may have heard about the concept of love languages. Author Gary Chapman really popularized this idea in his book about the topic written. He defines the five love languages as :
- Words of Affirmation or Praise
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
According to Chapman’s theory, we all have ways—languages—through which we like to give and receive love. In the astrological chart, Venus expresses this idea of love languages through the zodiac and the 12 houses. If you are in relationship with someone with a very different Venus placement from you, it’s like you are speaking different languages. Venus is the expressive planet of love in either a male or female chart.
With our example of Venus in Scorpio in the Third, you would be likely to shower your mate with physical touch and sexual attention, intense focus, and possibly words of acknowledgement or praise. If you end up with someone with Venus in Sagittarius, for example, you’ll find these two expressions at odds. While the two signs share an interest in expanding boundaries and personal vision, Scorpio is intense, intimate, and inner-focused, while Sag is open, freedom-oriented, outer-focused, and tuned into learning from the “other,” rather than just the “one.” You might find, in this example, that your lover is not “deep” enough, and won’t commit to the psychological rigors of relationship that you feel are necessary. And they may find your love language too intense, sexual, and demanding. Neither is “bad”, but the energies just don’t work that well together.
Now, I want to say again that you can’t base success in relationship on Venus alone (or any planet alone). When you have a relationship that has inharmonious Venus energy you can learn to understand each other’s love language. A Scorpio Venus can enjoy adventure travel with the Sag Venus partner, using the vehicle of travel as a way to become more intimate and to grow psychologically. In this way both get some validation. And the Sag Venus can honor the Scorpio by learning about Tantric wisdom teachings and expanding horizons sexually.
In a different example, let’s say you have Venus in Pisces, and you express through compassionate acts of service and quality time with a partner. But your partner is a Venus in Aquarius, who expresses through words of affirmation. Both need to meet in the middle, with the Aquarius Venus learning to appreciate the small acts the Pisces partner is constantly giving, while the Pisces Venus can learn to say she loves her partner rather than always showing.
Venus and the Sensual World
Venus, as the ruler of both Taurus and Libra, governs harmony, comfort, and sensual enjoyment of all five senses. We all find comfort in different ways—not everyone wants silk sheets and feather pillows. Figuring out what really makes us feel good and in harmony is vital information for us—for ourselves and our partners.
To return to our Venus in Scorpio example, you will find harmony through sexual connection and intimate sharing. You may love sex toys, deeply sensual sheets and bedroom decor, as well as items of clothing that make you feel sexy and perhaps a bit naughty. Your partner with Venus in Sag, however, will find harmony through sharing more abstract thoughts about spirituality or philosophy, could care less about the state of the bedroom, and may, in fact, prefer to make love outside under the stars. Again, it’s important that each Venus be allowed its expression in order for each partner to feel seen and heard in their love language.
Sometimes compatibility isn’t there, though attraction may be. An overall comparison of charts or look at a composite chart will be able to speak more deeply about the essential function of the relationship and the challenges that may be present.
When, as women, we begin to understand and deeply express our Venus, it can be a game changer. We learn how to deeply care for and acknowledge ourselves, communicate our relationship needs to a partner, and make choices for our body, home, diet, clothing, and more that truly validate who we are at essence.
If you are curious about your Venus placement or looking at relationships through the lens of astrology, I’d love to help. Reach out and book a reading, and let your Venus come out of hiding.