Have you ever felt that pull of instant recognition in the eyes of someone who later became a trusted friend or lover? Or had a strange repulsion to someone you didn’t know but were pulled into a relationship anyway?
I know I have, and it’s one of the most common questions people bring to relationship readings. Why him/her? Why is it so intense? Hard? And, often, why didn’t it last, when it felt so fated?
Why do we have these relationships that feel so magnetic, but are often so difficult or brief?
In my studies of various paths over the years I’ve come to recognize that there are souls with which we have karma (issues, unfinished business) from previous lives that we have both agreed to fulfill. When we meet those souls, there’s an immediate “aha—there you are” that one or both may feel. I call these types of agreements or connections “karma mates.”
Karma mates are different from soul mates in that they seem to operate more on the level of the personality, and though feel “fated” are not the same type of bond seen in soul mate relationships. Obviously this is super subjective but if you’ve experienced a magnetic attraction or repulsion (doesn’t have to be sexual but often is) that drew you into a relationship, then you’ve been in a karma mate situation.
Working on Life Lessons
We most often meet up with karma mates for a specific purpose that, once fulfilled, signals the end of the relationship.
These relationships can be with friends, lovers, or sometimes even enemies. Whatever the form it takes, they create a learning opportunity for both souls.
When I work with clients in these kinds of relationships, I’ll do a reading to discover past life karma that is in play. This always helps people understand what the relationship is for, and helps them get that while the relationship might not last long, it is important for their evolution.
Learning About Power
It’s easiest in this case to use an example. I had a client recently (name and some circs changed) that came to me about a relationship she was in that had a difficult dynamic. Let’s call the client Gina, and her boyfriend Joe. Gina admitted that she didn’t even really like Joe, but couldn’t seem to keep away from him. She described it as “like two magnets”—exactly how many others feel!
I looked into the Akashic Records to find out past life karma that was ready to be resolved or healed. In a previous lifetime, Joe had been in a position of power over Gina. He was a respected older relative in her household and used his power to abuse her. Gina had been unable to speak up about the abuse in that lifetime, and literally didn’t have the ability to leave the relationship because he was an integral part of her family, and a respected elder.
Fast forward to now, and Gina and Joe are once again exploring themes of power in relationship to each other. He’s being given the opportunity to explore power with (rather than over), and she’s being offered the chance to learn to speak up, claim her power, rights, and autonomy. And to leave if she desires.
So, once Gina got the karmic opportunity of the relationship, and was reassured of her free will to stay or go, she started to claim her power in little ways. She and Joe had huge fights over this. They made progress, then slipped back, and the whole thing became really exhausting.
I saw Gina over three sessions in about as many months and worked with her each time to create more strength, agency, and self-love. After her second session, she told me she was going to end it. I got a text a couple days later and she reported that Joe had terminated their relationship.
Her third session focused on her fears about being alone. She and Joe had been living together and their lives were intertwined. Gina took the leap and moved out, leaving many joint possessions behind. Her transition hasn’t been easy, but she recognizes that this relationship has offered her a crucial step in claiming more self-reliance, self-love, empowerment, and self-trust.
Repaying Some Kind of Debt
Sometimes karmic agreements are made because there is a need for one soul to atone, make up for, or repay another soul for some kind of unfinished event from the past. I’ll use another example to illustrate, this time of a personal friend (again, names changed).
My friend Julie met a man—let’s call him Dave—at a meditation teacher training. She felt that instant attraction thing, and a physical “shock” of recognition when she met him. Even though she told me that she didn’t visually find him attractive at all and they hadn’t met before in this life. Of course he was married, though in an open relationship. Julie wasn’t interested in getting involved with Dave, but throughout their month-long training they really couldn’t stay apart.
Magnets again. And I bet you know where this is going ….
Near the end of the training, they admitted their attraction to each other, and Dave asked Julie to join him at a tantra workshop he had planned. She said yes, though really she was not looking for this type of relationship. But she was very interested in exploring tantra.
One tantra workshop led to another, and in the end Julie and Dave spent about 4 months traveling and taking workshops. He paid her bills and all her expenses. He was happy to do it, and their relationship was passionate and honestly quite loving.
But, of course, it ended. Out of nowhere Dave decided that it was time for him to go back and be with his wife. Julie was shocked, hurt, mad … but also agreed that it was time to end things. Just like that, Dave was gone, and Julie has had little contact with him since, although they parted amicably in the end.
When we met up after it was all over, she asked me if I could shed light on what had happened.
I don’t very often do hypnosis, though I’ve studied it, but Julie really wanted a session to uncover the reasons for the relationship. So we did a past life regression and discovered that Julie and Dave were finishing up karma from multiple lifetimes in the brief time they had together.
If you have had or are in a relationship that sounds like a karma mate, try to be open to the lessons that were/are available. For past connections, can you see how the relationship helped you or what you learned? Examine any friend, boss, co-worker, lover—or even a family member—that was in your life for a short but powerful time. Look for themes and growth that occurred. This process can really help with forgiveness of both self and other.
(Obviously I am not advocating staying in abusive or unhealthy relationships! Please don’t use karma as an excuse to endure or perpetrate abuse!)
Even our hardest relationships can teach us. Understanding the purpose of a connection can assist us in knowing when it’s time to let go. If you’re in a karma mate situation and are curious or want more understanding, I can help. Reach out—astrology, Akashic records, or tarot can uncover the meaning or purpose of karmic agreements.