“When will I meet the ONE?”
“Is he/she/they the ONE?”
“Do I have a soulmate?”
“I love my husband, but I don’t think he’s my twin flame … should I leave him?”
These questions are soooo common in readings, and I find it disturbing that so many of us–yes, I asked many of those questions at one time too–feel that there is really only one love for us, one chance, one shot at romantic happiness.
Worse yet is the idea that some loves are better than others …. that unless you feel someone is your soulmate or twin flame, the relationship doesn’t count or there is someone better to be with. Sadder still is the pain of feeling, if you are single, that your whole life must center around the search for a perfect partner. And saddest of all … the idea that so many of us have that we are incomplete without a partner, have no worth, and cannot be happy, period, at all.
I confess that I’m going to get on a bit of a rant here, because this topic is near and dear to my own heart and healing. Let me be clear, this is my opinion based on my own experience and that of my clients, and also my study and quest to understand why we believe the myth of the One in the first place.
The Myth of the One, True Love
Ok … I’m gonna say it: the concept of that one true romantic love is a myth. If we dig a little into the history of romance, we find that it’s a pretty new idea. Of course sexual attraction and love are as old as humans, but the thought that there is only one other soul with whom we can truly be happy is a fabrication of our modern lives. Until recently, marriage was largely a social and economic contract and an institution for human survival. Love did not enter into it.
Disney, pop songs, romance novels, fairy tales … all of them promise a kind of life-saving true love that is unrealistic and undermines personal empowerment.
I told you it was a rant; I feel strongly about this because I see so many people searching outside themselves for a love that has become so idealized it is unattainable. I did this too, for a long, long time. Of course, it’s natural to want to partner. We all long for love, companionship, the joy of sharing a life with another. But, if we think we are worthless or less than whole without a significant other, then we are headed straight for co-dependence, do not pass Go, never collect your $200..
The reality is, many of us will have many loves in our life. Some may impact our lives more than others. Some people will choose not to love. For some souls, the learning they desire comes from going through life alone. There’s no better or worse. I want to emphasize that there is no right way to experience love; and that true self-esteem and self-regard will not ever come from someone else. That is between you and you … and the Divine (who is, if I may, the actual One).
Can You Be Happy Without A Partner?
This is entirely up to us! We are the ones choosing when and how to be happy at any given moment. I know many people–men and women–who don’t have a life partner. Some are working on why that may be, others are completely content.
The key–and this is true whether we have a SO or not–is to have a life that is full of what makes us feel connected and inspired. For me this means having a core of close friends, a spiritual practice and community, and living close to nature. For others it’s having fulfilling work and a creative pursuit. You get the idea–life is not just about our primary relationship. Even when we are partnered, the healthiest relationships will be interdependent–based on each desiring to be with the other rather than feeling like they would die apart.
So What is A Soulmate? A Twin Flame?
This is an understanding between souls to work out either a particular aspect of shared karma created in a past life, or they have similar life themes they are exploring (but no past life connection). This kind of agreement can exist between any two souls (or many … I’m watching that show about the Bhagwan right now!) and does not result only in a romantic relationship. These agreements often feel “done” when the lesson has been explored fully, or when the karma has been neutralized by growth of the soul(s). Then the souls can decide to continue the relationship or not. Often they don’t, because the binding energy was in the agreement to learn, and once that’s done they feel complete.
Soulmates are those who actually have a contract to work something out together. A contract will bind souls together lifetime after lifetime, even if the original karma is long resolved. Soulmate contracts are often unhealthy and not useful, and hold us back. They can feel quite “destined,” or inevitable. Not all soulmate contracts are outdated; some are still quite fruitful. Regardless, there is no rule that says that these contracts are lifetime-long arrangements. And, you can have a soulmate contract with someone who isn’t even incarnated with you, which can make it hard to actually find or be content with a relationship at all. Work in the Akashic Records can reveal if you have soulmate contracts or not.
I don’t even know if I believe in the concept of a Twin Flame. This is a pretty recent invention in the new age relationship world as far as I can tell, and makes it even harder to feel content with a normal love (whatever that is!). Twin flames reputedly are the other half of your soul, and when you meet them, you will feel an intensity and completion that surpasses any other kind of love. I have a hard time with the idea of anyone having only half a soul. Why would a soul choose that? In the smithys of Divinity, is it even possible to cleave a soul in two? I feel that this is just another way for people–especially women–to feel incomplete, buy more therapy, and look past any potential wonderful loves because they aren’t twin flame material.
The truth is, some people don’t have a big karmic agenda around relationship. Others do—but that isn’t necessarily a life that is easy or makes them happy. Spiritual work with people like me, or seeking on your own can help reveal your soul’s divine blueprint–karma, lessons, vibrational quality, and relationship intent.
At the end of the day, we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. We are empowered to create the lives we want. We are here to experience ourselves as separate, and then hopefully, as whole.
If you are curious about these topics and want to learn more about your relationship karma, intent, or possible blocks to finding love, book a reading or give me a shout. There’s a lot to learn and I’m happy to be of help.