I practice astrology for the practical results and guidance it can bring. This is what I want to give to my clients too; not just knowledge, but how that knowledge, put into practice, can change their lives.
One of the biggest reasons that people seek guidance from me is to improve or find their primary relationship. The quest for the soulmate, twin flame, or just great sex keeps all of us in a perpetual loop of seeking, whether we are partnered or not. I don’t have judgment … well, actually I do … because the whole palaver rather frustrates me. Not like judgy judgment—just like WTF sorts of thoughts. I spend a lot of time with my own relationship and have had my share of betrayal, pain, anguish, bad behavior and co-dependency, just like we humans will do.
So I empathize with you.
I practice compassion with myself and you.
And I wonder, do we have to be so tormented by this thing which is supposed to bring us our greatest joy?
Of course, being me, I have looked to my esoteric practices for help and guidance. And I have spent a lot of time looking at how the astrological chart can assist us in our search for wholeness.
Inner wholeness rather than the mythic wholeness sought through another.
Enter the Divine Marriage
So the Divine Marriage, or inner marriage, is a concept found in sacred traditions and also in psychology that boils down to the union of the self with God, or more prosaically, the union within our selves of the masculine and the feminine.
But basically nobody achieves the inner marriage, because outside of spiritual work, most people don’t know about it or have the desire to embody it.
Because it’s hard … or perhaps it isn’t hard but it is easier and more satisfying to seek outside of ourselves. Though it isn’t, as we all know. Satisfying, that is. At least not in the long term.
I know that I resisted such a concept for years, because I swallowed the story that the women in my family told me, supported by Walt Disney and fairy tales, that if I didn’t have a man by my side I would not be safe or acceptable, or that I would possibly die from a terrible curse. This is why, after all, I have run from feminism or wanting to be powerful and independent as a woman. Because I thought to choose thusly would mean that I had to be alone, and without love, and be an outsider and probably not live very long.
I mean, it sounds ridiculous, but when I unpack my limiting beliefs and illusions around all of this, that is basically the story.
I am so freakin’ tired of this story and by now almost fifty and filled with hormonal rage and prepared to give less power to these beliefs finally.
Well good, this is my Jupiter in Scorpio edge to walk. Believe it or not, it feels quite edgy to me to identify with feminism or seek out true independence.
Ok, I’m totally digressing. I found a great quote about the essence of the inner/divine marriage in this article by Deborah Anapol, Ph.D: The perfect union of male (releasing/freedom) and female (receiving/love) that we all instinctively seek must ultimately happen inside of you! This inner alchemy has been referred to as Hieros Gamos or Sacred Marriage, but the exact process remains shrouded in mystery.
She asserts, in her article, what I have come to believe as true for me: that there is no way I am going to experience lasting security, harmony, and connection, and freedom with a partner until I create that connection within myself.
Our lack of integration of the masculine and feminine, and honoring of both, is evident in the total imbalance of power between men and women throughout the world. The lack of integration is evident in the pain of women as they abnegate their essential feminine and try to become more masculine, “‘cause that’s the world we live in.” The separation is clear in the men who have shut down any curiosity, knowledge, or access to their feminine. And behave accordingly. (Look, I know that this is a way bigger issue, and that I’m not addressing every corner of the topic, but I want to get to my thesis.)
The microcosm is reflected in the macrocosm.
So because I all I can do is start with myself, I investigate the inner marriage for myself, and then for you, and my clients.
The Inner Marriage as Expressed Through the Chart
In the natal chart, we have Venus by house and sign to represent the expression and empowerment of the feminine (regardless of your personal gender and sexual orientations), and Mars to represent the masculine.
We have the 7th house to illustrate our karma/intent around relationship; the 12th house to illustrate the energy we project onto the 7th, that is really wanting to be integrated as a relationship with the self, and if desired, the Divine.
If we don’t own and work with our Venus/Mars, or acknowledge the distortions of the inconjunct between the 12th and 7th, then we will project and forever seek that which we feel we have not been given … seek it outside, over and over and over.
Let’s take an example to understand how this works. I’m going to keep it pretty simple; in a reading we’d go more in depth.
Let’s say that Lucy has Venus in Capricorn in the 6th, and Mars in Aquarius in the 7th, which is the 7th house cusp. Her 12th house is ruled by Cancer.
To manifest how her soul, in this lifetime, wants to express the Divine Feminine, she would look to the archetype of Capricorn and the 6th. She would embrace her natural leadership qualities, work to create safe communities, workplaces, families (whether or not they are her own). She would embrace structure as a way to achieve her goals, and her feminine would be empowered by success in her career, yes, but also in finding integrity and purpose in daily life.
To express her Divine Masculine, she would cultivate her objective genius, take risks, explore technology, humanitarian ideas, and unconventionality. She would understand that freedom in relationship is the most important thing, and she would strive to create freedom for herself and others.
Without integration of her Mars, Lucy will seek out/attract relationships that will allow her to experience the range of interdependence, independence, and co-dependence. She will allow her man, if she is heterosexual, to be free, while she chains herself to shadow aspects of traditional womanhood. She may explore polyamory, in an effort to experience freedom. Or to give it. She will likely be in conflict about her traditional role vs. her desires to experiment with new relationship models. She may attract partners that demand that stale old double standard: freedom for the man, fidelity and long-suffering silence for the woman. Or she may choose to stay single, and opt out on the pleasures of relationship and just get on with things herself—but not in an empowered way. She will be resigned. She will believe she can’t have it all.
Because of Aquarius ruling the 7th house cusp, she is here to experience true interdependence in relationship, and it so happens that her Mars, once integrated, will help her fulfill that promise to herself.
Meanwhile she craves emotional nurturing and connection, to be cared for(Cancer 12th house), which she projects onto her partner. Of course it is natural to want to be cared for and nurtured! Yet, we must be able to meet these needs within ourself, because even a “good” partner will not always be able to do this for us, just like our parents couldn’t either. Our mythical Lucy will find greater ease and safety in life if she can cultivate that safety, self-care, and self-love from within, or in concert with a relationship with the Divine.
I hope this example is making some kind of sense of what is a complicated concept, both intellectually and astrologically. It was quite an aha moment for me when I realized all of this, and I have been exploring the marriage of my own Mars (in Pisces) and Venus (in Sag) ever since.
In reality, the natal chart and conditions of Venus, Mars are complex and it is a lifework to integrate and learn from this blueprint of our soul. But what freedom! What deliverance! When we can finally start to burn through our crusty shells and experience our true nature, and our authentic soul’s intent.
Understanding the Divine/inner marriage can bring a whole new bundle of possibilities to explore and unpack. It isn’t easy, but it is fascinating, and ultimately, my favorite thing, empowering.
If you are interested in getting your chart read with an emphasis on realizing your relationship intent and manifesting the inner marriage, I’d love to facilitate that for you.
Keep on keepin’ on, people. And working away at your little piece of the puzzle. And taking self-care breaks, and loving, and living.